ARE YOU SERIOUS. What kind of question is that and how can I answer that in a five minute speech?! AT LEAST. Oh my god. I’m so stressed right now. I should’ve never taken this opportunity for extra credit because now I can’t back out -__- There’s too much things going on in my head at the moment. Too stressed. Too busy. Too lazy. Not motivated enough… -_____- I don’t know how I’m even going to survive talking to a panel about this topic. All I can think about is “Learn from mistakes” -__-

My pain is always caused by you nowadays. It makes me question are we even meant to be together anymore. 

I hate trying to be your friend, I hate putting effort into getting our friendship back to where it once was when you obviously don’t care enough. You’re not worth it anymore, and I think I’m finally realizing it. I wish it never had to end this way, but I guess things change. You changed. I hate that. But I guess I can’t do anything about it. Say goodbye to this friendship. Say goodbye to me. I’m out of your life. 

“I will never forget who I am. No matter how confused I get. I will never forget what type of person I am, what I believe in and the purpose of my life.”

-sobs- 

As much as I want to believe it, nowadays I’m not sure what’s wrong with my life. I don’t know what to do anymore. I am beyond confused as who I am. I want to discover myself again. I want a new beginning. I want to start off new somewhere so I can be able to recreate myself into the person that I want to be. I want to stop living this life for someone else. I want to be myself. I miss all the good things in the world, I miss that feeling where I feel bubbly inside when I help someone, I miss being able to be truely happy because I can. I miss being .. myself. But I seem to have lost what I thought I knew was me.

Tonight, I am most definitely proud of myself. I actually asked for help in Ap chemistry from someone, and i learned… I have a big test tomorrow, and I’m so scared that I’m gonna get another F. But I’m staying up tonight just to study, I feel a little more confident. :3 I’m kind of happy too. Lol. It’s also me and my boyfriends 8 months tomorrow (: Honestly, sometimes I forgot since it’s been so long… but i don’t care. I’ve been so happy because of him (: 

I haven’t been on tumblr to vent lately… There’s been so much going on with my life at the moment. I just don’t know where to start so I’ll give the basics. Over the christmas break, my sister managed to make me cry twice… She didn’t even care that she hurt my feelings, that she even called me a cry baby. I’m so stressed out because school is getting so hard for me right now. I know I can do it, but it’s just taking a little long for me to actually focus and get my work done. I guess you can say I’ve been distracted lately… I honestly need more moral support. I want someone to tell me to keep my head up, because they believe I’m capable of anything. I’ve lost my motivation once again. It just keeps coming and going. I hate you… I HATE JUNIOR YEAR. I’m so focused on school work.. Okay, well barely. But I barely even have time to hang out with friends nowadays. My schedule is busy .. I barely have time for myself. I just want to be able to lay down in my bed and read a book on weekdays. But it’s always homework homework homework. Goodbye.

I am so glad I can cry quietly while my sisters practically next to me. I don’t even know why I’m so sad, and why I’m even crying at all. I remember how we talked about breaking up tomorrow.. And i don’t know. I’m thinking about it again, even though each time we make up, I say I love you. I’m so frustrated at the fact that I am mad at you and you still treat me like the most special person in the world. I’m tired. I’m hurt. I can’t stop. I want a break. Another one. I just don’t know anymore.

Being a girlfriend is honestly too much sometimes.. I’ve thought about breaking up a few times too. But i don’t want to hurt him, and i’m not ready to give him up yet. but this is too stressing. I feel like i have a ton of weight on my shoulders trying to maintain my own life, while making you happy at the same time.

I remember I used to post like 2 or 3 posts a day of just vents. Time’s just passing by me so fast. I miss it, alot. I wish I could blog again to let go of some of my feelings, but I don’t have enough time anymore. I’ve actually went through some rough patches the last couple weeks, but I can’t seem to put them into words anymore. I’ve lost my touch…

Why do I feel like crying right now… So stressed. No one to talk to. So much disappointment and anger running through me right now. I just wanna cry while doing my homework. I wish I had my own room.